The next couple of hours will go something like this: my date will tell me about the app he’s building, or his job in the public school system, or what it was like to lose a parent young — and I’ll take little sips of my beer and nod understandingly as I attempt to interject that I, too, have informed opinions about the tech industry. I, too, worked for nonprofits, ran races, made art, tried that weird meditation app with the British narrator, paid off student loans, lost a parent young. Or would you think back on all the years it took you to learn how to do your job, all those hours of hard work, the pride you felt in having achieved something you weren’t sure you could pull off, and think to yourself I don’t really like the fact that I do this, but I confess: sometimes I post about these dates (without supplying names or identifying details) in the semi-private corners of my social media accounts.Often, though, I’ll get cut off shortly after “oh yeah, me too.” It’s a fascinating, if not maddening, thing to experience. Because honestly, singing harmony to my dates’ melody all the time is driving me goddamn nuts.For many people, putting together a dating profile is the easy bit (although believe me, there are plenty who find this task nearly impossible).They even think that chatting in emails or on the phone isn’t so bad either but when it comes to actually going out on a date — the very reason they were online dating in the first place — this is where they panic. They worry they’ll get found out (whatever that means) or that they’ll get tongue-tied and have nothing to say.They fear they aren’t interesting and will bore their date, hence make a fool of themselves. But let me tell you something: it’s just thoughts, and your thoughts aren’t facts.
Remember that your counterpart is likely to be as nervous as you though, even if they don’t look it!Oh, and I’ve been fixing up an old rowhouse that I bought in 2008. Ostensibly, step one of that process would involve figuring out what your potential partner wants out of life, and what they’re doing to get there. Sure, it’s not everyone; there have been notable exceptions. In that person, would you see the makings of a partner who’d really go to bat for you?Back then, I was a newly-minted adult who had a couple of power tools and a nagging paranoia that this thing I’d allowed to consume my life savings might randomly go up in smoke due to [insert home ownership pitfall here — improper drier lint management? But in the last year or so of dating, I’ve started picking up on a depressing pattern: if I kick off a conversation with the person seated across from me by asking a question about his life — if I pass him the conch shell, to borrow a literary symbol — he will simply run with it and never give it back. Who might, in certain hypothetical circumstances where it made financial and logistical sense — and because I’m about to say something crazy — consider putting your career ambitions in front of his own? " But men have been pondering this question since the dawn of, well, man.In Paleolithic times, cavemen were rumored to stay up late into the night with their fellow troglodytes, gnawing frustratedly on leftover bones and trying to unearth the answer to this most perplexing question.